This past summer, I had the opportunity to walk 200 miles of an ancient pilgrimage called El Camino de Santiago in Spain. It was such a beautiful experience. Being able to watch the sun rise over rolling hills, walking through miles of vineyards, talking to people from all walks of life. It was absolutely remarkable. Those 200 miles gave me so much to experience and think about. Each day gave me a different challenge and perspective on life I probably hadn’t considered in the past.
So many thoughts ran through my head as I would walk each day. Sometimes about where I was walking to, other times about my friends and family back home, but I often found thoughts lingering into the unknown. The unknown feeling of where I would be walking to next, the unknown thoughts I had yet to discover, the unknown the future had yet to bring. With the thoughts of the unknown gave me some feelings of fear and doubt. And I realized that this was something I was struggling with, but was afraid to admit.
This sounds cheesy, but there’s this scene in One Tree Hill where Quinn is talking to Clay and says that she’s afraid of going into the water cause of the immensity and not knowing. This was so applicable to the moment. I mean, I was in the process of climbing up this hill and had no clue as to how much farther it would go or how hard it would be to get past it.
Oh, the immensity.
Despite the pain and uncertainty I felt both physically and mentally, my desire to conquer the rest of the hill surpassed the negativity that ran through my mind. And throughout the rest of the trip, I had some great conversations with people about living in the moment, taking in each day, going on with no regrets, and just being fearless.
This stood out to me most because it brought me full circle. All along, I had been afraid that I had made the wrong decision about changing my major or I was afraid that I couldn’t finish the Camino. The fear inside me taught me to be resilient. To be innovative. To have courage. To be open to whatever will come my way. But most importantly, it taught me to trust. It taught me to let go of all the fears I had inside of me and to just let go and trust. To trust that even though I don’t always see eye to eye with God, He has a plan that surpasses anything I could ever imagine. In time, this plan He has for me will allow me to continue to grow in trust.
Be fearless and trust.
I am forever grateful for this opportunity I had on the Camino to grow in trust and fearlessness. It’s something that I will never forget and I hope that I will be able to keep this spirit alive in all that I do, wherever I go.
So I’ve been looking back at my life this past year and it’s amazing to see where God has taken me. Because let’s be real, it’s important to look back at your past to see how far you’ve come. Call this idea cliche, but it’s something that I’ve grown accustomed to. At the end of each day, I stop and take a second to be grateful for all that has happened in my life. The mistakes have given me room to grow and the triumphs have allowed me to really feel God’s presence. Even thought there’s so much to be happy about, there’s still some stuff that I just cannot seem to get off of my mind.
There are not enough words to describe how much is going on in my mind, but the best way to put it is content. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that, right? There doesn’t always need to be a reason for the extremes, like insanely happy or depressingly upset. I’m content. Grateful for what’s in front of me and looking forward to whatever God decides to throw my way. I’m content.